So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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