Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
