My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
