So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
