dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There r osticjed everywhere
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
