He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She bit a glass in half.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
