We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
