She went from zero to smokin in five shots
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize