There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
