She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
