Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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