so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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