wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
