he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
