Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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