TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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