You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
