haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
