He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
