so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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