1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
