I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
