Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
