u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You are the jesus of drinking
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
