We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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