get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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