the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
