2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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