Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Come on in and take your pants off
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