Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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