I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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