So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
