I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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