I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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