I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
