I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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