Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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