You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
