i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
