she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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