Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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