Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
