Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We are two peas in an std pod
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize