the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
