They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
