after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
