i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
