I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
