I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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