Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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