There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
