She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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