I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
