I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
