Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
