I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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