It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
