Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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