some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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