I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
