I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
