Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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