You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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