alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
