How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm eating all of the evidence.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize