You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Congratulations! We have a period
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
