Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
