My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
