She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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