I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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