We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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