Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
