thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
