You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
