there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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